Posted by: littlehouseonthebigisland | April 27, 2014

Turd Gobblers

Though I am stubbornly loathe to admit it, I love my dogs.  The fact is, I love them almost as much as my daughter. Which is to say, they are my late-in-life children. They are good and sweet.  Obedient, innocent and clean. With

Shep, Milo, & Alex

Shep, Milo, & Alex

modest appetites. Except that my friend and neighbor, Juli, has told me that given half a chance, Milo will go root in her daughter’s nose like there is a steak up in there; like she is mining for gold.  And Milo will shamelessly lap up the contents of her daughter’s diapers.  Now Shep has one-upped Milo.  On our morning walk he dragged me under a macadamia nut tree, ostensibly, I thought, to root out a mongoose.  But no.  It was to root out and gobble up a turd.  When I realized what he was doing and tried to drag him away, he yanked me back to finish off his new-found treasure before Milo could sneak over and do it for him.

I don’t know if I can ever bring myself to lie on the living room rug and let them lick my face again.  The horror of what happened on our morning walk is just too fresh.

It reminds me of another time, when a neighbor we are on good terms with, chased them down the road, shoeless and shirtless, and swore the next time he found them on his property he would shoot them.  It was the third time with the third different neighbor.  When three different neighbors threaten to shoot your dogs on three separate occasions, it is possible that it is not just coincidence. We decided to investigate.

Alex, Mike, Shep & Milo

Alex, Mike, Shep & Milo

As it turned out, our little darlings had beaten up the tiny, feeble old dog in the neighbor’s front yard, and been terrorizing their baby goat.  Ever since paying the vet bill, to Milo and Shep’s horror, we have kept them penned up, in the house, or on a leash. The have finally, bitterly at first to be sure, adjusted, except it has not prevented them from continuing with other shocking and disappointing displays of behavior from time to time.  And as we are now always with them, we are the unwilling witnesses to our little darlings indiscretions and secret compulsions.  So it is that I will try to be ever mindful when my late-in-life-children wish to cover me in kisses, that no, I cannot and will not be touched by the tongues of shameless turd gobblers.


  1. Our friend Helen, who owns this place, has three dogs. Even on leashes they go in three different directions at three different speeds, digging into everything that they can reach on the sidewalk. Lol. Just another day in paradise.

  2. It’s becoming absurd. I have started a few heartfelt replies to your website post and have been interrupted each time by changing displays of chaos. The subject of the canine family is beautiful and I am always thinking about all the things that you set in motion by this. We watch the three dogs of the owner of this house when she travels. The two found and fixed foster pups have been a city story unto themselves. Lola and I have never been so immersed in the the dogs world. We have been growing with the love that they give unconditionally. The post made us laugh with recognized pack responsibility. More please. Thanks again for the posts.

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